Earth Day is tomorrow. I could give you a song and dance about what you should do (install CFLS, bring own bag to grocery store, move to a wind-powered Ashram), but I’ll spare the harangue. Instead, here’s a list of what not to do on Earth Day. Sure, you won’t be saving the planet, but you won’t be doing anything offensively detrimental either—and that’s better than most Americans.
1. Use your leaf blower to dust off the driveway.
I know those pine needles really add up and look messy, but try to restrain yourself . . .
Smart! Leaf blowing the forest floor.
Photo courtesy leaf-blowers.com aka mostdestructiveleastnecessary.com
2. Drink FIJI Water . . . unless you actually live in FIJI.
Sure, filling a container ship full of water then pushing that ship full of water through the water—half way around the world—makes sense, but hey, “It’s labeled Fiji because it’s not bottled in Cleveland.”
3. Torch a couple luxury homes in the swank Seattle suburb of Woodinville.
Nice work eco-terrorists. Sure are giving us eco-folks a great name and credibility to boot.
4. Feed a cow beans.
5. Make a donation to “Global Warming is Bogus.”
6. Hold your breath . . . all day.
Holding your breath will certainly cut down on CO2 emissions. Good thinking! But, you will also die. And though one less person would be good for the planet, nobody really wants you to die.
7. Buy a polar bear fur coat.
Photo courtesy “Most Hideous in 1987”
8. Put a ” I <3 pollution" sticker on your car.
Bonus Points: car is Hummer H2.
9. Bundle up a large wad of toilet paper and double flush.
Photo courtesy funfunnystuff.com
10. Do nothing at all.
You can find it under the following topic(s): Op/Ed, climate change.
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Damn, that Polar Bear coat is fierce. And so appropriate for North Carolina weather. Are you sure it would be so bad to have one? Looking like an abominable snowman is so hot.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:00 pmOh my gawd- leafblowers are my biggest pet peeve… they need to be obliterated, since truly they have no purpose but to make a scarey noise and pollute the air. They are bad in the same way as packing peanuts. Thanks for this funny post, made me smile :)
April 21st, 2008 at 3:54 pmnice article. I personally like ‘feed a cow beans’. Just in case you were thinking about buying new cars (and I’m going to assume you weren’t) here are 20 that you should definitely not buy, in keeping with your theme.
http://vlane.com/blogs_article/70/twenty-best-cars-trucks-for-bitchslapping-earth
April 21st, 2008 at 3:55 pmHey thanks for the great blog, I love this stuff. I don’t usually do much for Earth Day but with everyone going green these days, I thought I’d try to do my part.
I am trying to find easy, simple things I can do to help stop global warming (I don’t plan on buying a hybrid). Has anyone seen that http://www.EarthLab.com is promoting their Earth Day (month) challenge, with the goal to get 1 million people to take their carbon footprint test in April? I took the test, it was easy and only took me about 2 minutes and I am planning on lowering my score with some of their tips.
I am looking for more easy fun stuff to do. If you know of any other sites worth my time let me know.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:36 pmThat is hilarious about Fiji. For so many that is the “go-to” water. When in doubt, Fiji is clean… umm yeah. It is too bad about the pharmaceuticals being deposited in the public water supplies, though. Still, I guess I would rather drink everyone’s SSRI’s than ingest arsenic. Ugh.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:08 pmwhen it comes to pharmaceuticals in water, I’ve heard the best way to avoid is osmotic filtration systems. They don’t pick up compounds found in drugs. Either that or artesian well water….or convincing folks they really don’t need what Big Pharma is selling them- but from personal experience, I ‘ve had NO luck with that. And telling people what to do with their own bodies is antithetical to my MO. But it’s a bit like smoking- do what you want with your body, but when it affects mine…..don’t I get so say something? I don’t know if there is a solution to this one- maybe filtrating toilets so this stuff doesn’t get into the water supply in the first place?
April 21st, 2008 at 10:48 pm[...] Top 10 Things Not To Do on Earth Day [...]
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:17 am[...] comics, earth day, eco, environment, paper-free — notjustpretty @ 11:05 am This list of What Not to Do on Earth Day is pretty funny and has great pictures! for example:#7. Buy a polar bear fur [...]
August 7th, 2008 at 2:52 pm