Paris Hilton Tries, But Still Screws it Up

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Paris’ reaction (above) to McCain’s attack on her (got that? I feel like I’m back on the playground) is pretty funny- too bad it’s totally off-base (and I TRIED to get an ounce of support up for it, I really did- she even used the word HYBRID, for fuc*s sake).

Watch the video- for entertainment at least- and then move on. Because as much as Paris paid for someone to write a script for her (and I have NO DOUBT that Ms. Hilton can sound, and be, as smart as she comes across in the latter part of this video) they just got it wrong, with a lot of nonpartisan bowing and scraping to both sides. This is why this clip pissed me off:

1. Offshore drilling is not going to solve our energy crisis/gas crisis now OR in the future (it’s impact will only be felt in 15 years when those potential oil reserves would actually start delivering oil). What it will do is negatively affect sensitive marine ecosystems (at best) and at worst destroy them. There is a reason these areas were set aside for protection against drilling in the first place.

2. Subsidies to car companies to produce cleaner cars ARE NOT ENOUGH.
Cars are subsidized (along with roads) up the wazoo by taxpayers already, so stop telling me that you can’t tell independent businesses what to do. Car companies need to be forced by our governments to make changes in fuel use immediately. Everyone always tells me how the capitalist system will answer what the market demands (so where’s my super fab, affordable electric car that looks hot and drives like a Saab? Where?). This capitalism thing is a lame argument and I’m tired of hearing it. Things are getting worse and Capitalism doesn’t seem to be helping!

We NEED fuel-free cars powered by alternative energy and we need them NOW! This is not pie-in-the-sky. We sent a man to the moon in 1969 after a federal decree in a few short years. Surely we can harness the multiple abundant power sources (wind, solar, geothermal, wave, gym workout machines) that are naturally available to us if we collectively put our minds and hearts to the task.

3. Metallic pumps with that onekini? NO!
That cute suit soooooo calls for a pair of gladiator flats (metallic, if you must, cause we know how you like that flash, Paris).

Note: Just so you don’t think I’m a total hater, Paris DOES get extra points for 1. making fun of herself, 2. encouraging all us bitches to see her at the debates and 3. selecting Rihanna as her running mate.

Starre Vartan is founder and editor-in-chief of Eco-Chick.com and the author of the Eco-Chick Guide to Life. She's also a freelance science and environment writer who has published in National Geographic, CNN, Scientific American, Mental Floss, Pacific Standard, the NRDC, and many more. She lives on an island in Puget Sound with her partner and black cat. She was a geologist in her first career, and still picks up rocks wherever she goes.